Master Of The House


THENARDIER: Wel-come M'-sieur. Sit your-self down and meet the best inn-keep-er in town. As for the rest, all of them crooks, rook-ing the guests and cook-ing the books._ Sel-dom do you see hon-est men like me, a gent of good in-tent who's con-tent to be... Mas-ter of the house, dol-ing out the charm read-y with a hand-shake and an o-pen palm. Tells a sauc-y tale, makes a lit-tle stir, cus-tom-ers ap-pre-ci-ate a bon vi-veur. Glad to do a friend a fa-vor. Does-n't cost me to be nice._ But noth-ing gets you noth-ing, ev-'ry-thing has got a little price._ Mas-ter of the house, keep-er of the zoo, read-y to re-lieve them of a sou or two. Wa-ter-ing the wine, mak-ing up the weight, pick-ing up their knick-knacks when they can't see straight. Ev-'ry-bod-y loves a land-lord, ev-'ry-bod-y's bo-som friend._ I do what-ev-er pleas-es, Je-sus, don't I bleed 'im in the end! CHORUS: Mas-ter of the house, quick to catch your eye, nev-er wants a pas-ser-by to pass him by. Ser-vant ot the poor, but-ler to the great, com-fort-er, phi-los-o-pher and life-long mate. Ev-'ry-bod-y's boon compan-ion. ev-'ry-body's chap-er-one._ But lock up your va-lis-es. Je-sus, won't I skin you to the bone! THENARDIER: En-ter, M'-sieur. Lay down your load, un-lace your boots and rest from the road. This weighs a ton. Trav-el's a curse. But here we strive to light-en your purse._ Here the goose is cooked, Here the fat is fried. And noth-ing's o-ver-looked till I'm sat-is-fied. Food be-yond com-pare, food be-yond be-lief, mix it in a min-cer and pre-tend it's beef. Kid-ney of a horse, liv-er of a cat, fill-ing up the sau-sa-ges with this and that. Res-i-dents are more than wel-come. Bri-dal suite is oc-cu-pied._ Rea-son-a-ble charg-es plus_ some lit-tle ex-tras on the side. Charge 'em for the lice, ex-tra for the mice, two per-cent for look-ing in the mir-ror twice. Here a lit-tle slice, there a lit-tle cut, three per-cent for sleep-ing with the win-dow shut. When it comes to fix-ing pric-es, there are lots of tricks he knows._ How it all in-creas-es, all_ them bits and piec-es, Je-sus, it's a-maz-ing how it grows. CHORUS: Mas-ter of the house, mas-ter and a half, com-fort-er, phi-los-o-pher, don't make me laugh! Ser-vant to the poor, but-ler to the great, hyp-o-crite and toad-y and in-e-ri-ate! Ev-'ry-bod-y bless our land_ Give 'em ev-'ry-thing I've got._ Dir-ty bunch of geez-ers, Je-sus, what a sor-ry lit-tle lot! MADAME THENARDIER: I used to dream that I_ would meet a prince. But, God Al-might-y, have you seen what's hap-pened since?_ Mas-ter of the house? Is-n't worth my spit! Com-fort-er, phi-los-o-pher and life-long shit! Cun-ning lit-tle brain, reg-u-lar Vol-taire. Thinks he's quite a lov-er but there's not much there! What a cru-el trick of na-ture land-ed me with such a louse._ God knows how I've last-ed liv-ing with this bas-tard in the house! CHORUS: Mas-ter of the house, mas-ter and a half, com-fort-er, phi-los-o-pher, don't make me laugh! Ser-vant to the poor, but-ler to the great, hyp-o-crite and toad-y and in-e-ri-ate! Ev-'ry-bod-y bless our land-lord. Ev-'ry-body bless his spouse._ THENARDIER: Ev-'ry-bod-y raise a glass, MADAME THENARDIER: raise it up the mas-ter's ass! ALL: Ev-'ry-bod-y raise a glass to the mas-ter of the house! ----- end